And…We Have A Headstone
It only took a year, covid shipping delays x2 and some other odds and ends, BUT we finally have a headstone.
I am going to be completely honest, this has been a very sensitive ordeal for Kory and I. This is something most people in their thirties never think about doing at this point in their lives. There were many decisions that needed to be made and it was very overwhelming. “What do you want your headstone to look like?” “What do you want written on your stone?” “What bible verse?” The questions kept coming and some days I just couldn’t even answer them with out breaking down and crying, because well it just isn’t fair.
One thing for certain was, we wanted a headstone that could include all 3 of us. We had our stone designed and we knew it would have Beau’s stone in the middle and then Kory and I would be on the sides. Our plots are set out that way. Beau is buried in the middle plot and when looking at the stone, I will go on the right and Kory will go on the left. Our stone is designed to have Beau be the center heart and we are the wings coming off of his stone. We will always be together.
We met with the person who was designing our stone and we were making all the final decisions before having them etched. We decided to do Beau’s headstone and have his tiny footprints etched in his stone. We then were asked questions about our stones. What did we want on our stones? From the beginning of this process I told Kory I didn’t want our stones put up yet, only the base and Beau’s. There is such a heavy feeling that weighs on you when you feel like you need to know what you want on your headstone and now. We agreed to have our names put on our stones and that was it. I couldn’t agree to putting our birth dates on them. Why? To me, I felt like well that is it. We have our burial spot. I have my headstone. I have my name on my headstone. All that is left is putting us in the ground. I know it may sound crazy and honestly not that big of a deal. BUT to me it was and it was something that I couldn’t shake. We got home from our meeting and I just broke down, had a major panic and anxiety attack and said I could NOT do it. I did not want my name in the cemetery. I felt like it was just bad luck and did not feel right. Kory and I talked about it and came to an agreement that we would put our side stones up, but leave them blank. Then our whole stone is up, but left blank for the day that we decide to have them engraved.
The day we went and saw our headstone up in the cemetery for the first time. We didn’t have that ‘I Love It' moment. Instead we picked things apart that we wanted fixed and what needed to be changed. I truly believe it was all the emotions of this long process just coming out. We finally have our headstone. Our baby boy finally has his headstone. No more shoveling snow in the winter to find his little stone buried just to say hello. We know right where he is and we can close the book. We do love our headstone and are at peace with it. This was the final chapter we needed to complete for our little angel, Beau Rylee.
Thank you everyone who has been a part of this process and all the continued prayers.
All Our Love,
Haylee and Kory
